That's A Great Story, But I Can Do You One Better

If there is one thing that I can not stand in this world, it is people that feel the need to always tell a story better than the last one told. What kind of extreme inferiority complex do these people suffer from that they can't under any circumstances live in a world where someone else has experienced, seen, ate, attended or done anything that may be cooler than something in their life.

I have a standing rule that when I discover a person like this, I just quit telling stories around them. I hate pissing matches. I hate the "one-up" mentality. And I hate insecure people that always have to try to prove they are better than you.

There is one guy at my work that is just the worst at this. Here's a hypothetical scenario:

A-Hole: Hey, Stickman. What did you do this weekend?

Me: Well, the President flew in and picked me up on Air Force One, and we flew to Scotland to play golf with Tiger Woods on the first golf course ever created.

A-Hole: That's nice. One time I went with all 4 of the living Presidents on the space shuttle Endeavor and we spent a whole week playing golf on the moon.

Me: Wow. You really are a lot cooler than me. I wish I was you.

There is just no way to top a guy that will make up anything to sound cool. No matter what your story is, there is some strain of fiction out there that can top it.

And then there is that really special strain of narcissist that will realize when he is beat, so instead of creating an obviously ridiculous story, they decide that the will just make it sound like your story wasn't really that great - and they would never be caught dead doing what you did.

The same guy at my office often does this, too. Here is a scenario:

A-Hole: Hey, Stickman. What did you do this weekend?

Me: Well, the President flew in and picked me up on Air Force One, and we flew to Scotland to play golf with Tiger Woods at the Turnberry Golf Club, the most famous course in the country that invented golf.

A-Hole: That seems like a big waste of taxpayer money to fly that plane just for that. That's worse than the photo op thing in New York.

Me: Well, I had a good time. And it's a sweet plane.

A-Hole: I don't see how you could have had fun with that President. He's ruining our country, the commie bastard.

Me: The President is the President. If you agree with his politics or not, it's still an honor.

A-Hole: But it's so cold in Scotland this time of year. And the courses are too hilly. I much rather prefer playing at the local redneck golf course. It so much more relaxed. I hate uppity courses. Of course I've played at Pebble Beach and all of them because I had to, but I like the small local courses better.

Me: Yeah you are probably right. But no matter what course, or what plane, or what President, it was still nice to play a round of golf with Tiger.

A-Hole: Would have been better if it was Arnold Palmer. Now that would be worth going someplace for. Tiger is too much hype.

Me: You're right. It was a pretty crappy weekend over all.