They Prefer It When I Don't Talk

Let me start by saying that I am normally a pretty shy and quiet guy.  It is only as I get to know someone, and become very comfortable around them, that I begin to loosen up and actually speak.   So the more comfortable I am, the more I talk and open up.

So if I talk - or even better - make a joke around you, then you can rest assured that I am comfortable with you, and most likely like you as a person.  Aren't you lucky.

With all that being said, it seems obvious that I would be most comfortable at home with my loving family.  It is my safe haven, where I can really open up and release my inner dork.  And trust me, I do!!  The inner dork isn't so inner at home... he is loud and proud!

So, as you know, I was sick on Monday and was very tired and quiet.  Last night, I was feeling much better, so I was more myself.  So American Idol is on, and I'm singing and enjoying life, and am so excited to spend time with my family and my loving, amazing wife.  And as I'm belting out whatever song was on, Mrs. Stickman so lovingly tells me, "I wish you would get sick again."  I was shocked!  But then, as I continued singing, I pondered this and realized that I indeed could believe she said it. 

But that's not all!  There's more!  As I am sitting on the couch - minding my own business - girl child comes in to the room.  And she decides to do a cheer for me.  Sounds sweet, right?  Wrong!  Here is the cheer that she did... "My name is Stickman, And I am balding, And I am weird, And I'm annoying!"  Oh my gosh!  Why can't people just love me?

But wait!  There's still more!!  Later, we are laying in bed and I am telling her how thankful I am to her for taking care of me when I was sick.  And I tell her that she was such a sweetheart.  And she says to me, "I prefer it when you don't talk."  What?!?!?

Now you have to understand, while most wives would be upset if you called them a jerk or a meanie, Mrs. Stickman finds those things to be compliments.  BUT... if you call her a sweetheart or a sweetie, then you better run for cover!  I often call her a "closet sweetheart" because she just doesn't want anyone to know that she is the nicest person ever!

These are just a few small examples of the abuse that I put up with.  And, of course, I just try to kill them with kindness.  I just be nice, and quiet, and mind my own business.  (anyone buying this?)  I can't think of anything I ever did to deserve such harshness.  If I do think of anything, I'll be sure to do it again!

By the way, be sure to check out my top ways to embarrass kids to learn more on this cheerleading thing.  Unfortunately, they eventually use it against you - obviously.  Damn kids!