A Cougar no Longer

With my birthday rapidly approaching, making Mrs. Stickman and I "technically" the same age, I will no longer be able to refer to her as a cougar. At least not for another six months.

Why is this a problem? Well, I'm glad that you asked.

I take a certain pride in being both young and hip. (Forget the fact that I am neither A: young or B: hip, and just hear me out here as I enter a land of make believe.) There is a certain awesomeness that comes along with being me. Everyone notices this, as much as I try to hide it.

While Mrs. S is for all intents and purposes much cooler and younger looking than me, it is a real boost to the ego that she is older than me. I like to picture her as an older lady that landed her a young, hot stud muffin - with me being said muffin.

One downside of the wife being older is that she is a big jerk to me, and makes fun of me pretty much all the time. I know you are thinking that she would do that no matter how old she was. And while that is true, the problem comes into play on the RARE occasion that I may actually razz her back a little bit. As soon as I say something snotty to her, the kids both chime in with, "you have to respect your elders." Little bastards. Who's respecting me?

Aside from all this cougar stuff, getting old just sucks. The grey hair is cool, the thinning hair is not. The knowing what you like is cool, the not being able to have it because your metabolism is shot is not. The having the money to go places you want to go is cool, the having to take the damn kids is not.

The more I live, the more I enjoy life. I think if I could go back and do things differently, there is a lot that I would like to change. The old "if I knew then what I think I know now" saying is a hard one to ignore.

However, if I changed things then I wouldn't be who I am now, or who I am with now. And I wouldn't trade life now for one single friend in high school. Which is one more that what I had at the time!

So I'm me, and I'm old. Deal with it! Stickman out.

Locking Up Girl Child For 20 Years

This past weekend was the big Homecoming dance at the local high school. Having two kids in high school, it was of course bound to be a big night at our household.

Luckily, this year, Boy Child decided to just go with a group of friends, and didn't really have "a date." So that was EASY. However, Girl Child insisted on going to the dance with her douchebag boyfriend. (For the record, he is not really a douchebag and is really a great kid, but since he is dating my daughter I feel that I am obligated to dislike him.)

Since we are the coolest parents in the world, of course all of the kids and their friends insisted on coming to our house for the picture fest and pre-dinner activities. I might also add that this fact created quite a hissy fit with one particularly bitchy mom that really wanted them all to go to her house. Jealous much?

I am happy to say that my daughter did not look like a slut. I did my part in helping to select a dress that was minimal on cleavage and maximum on straps, however I fell short in the down to the ankles requirement. As a result, I spent about two weeks trying to convince her to wear a pair of sweatpants under the dress.

I spend most of my time around her boyfriend trying to defend her virginity. They really love it when I use the word "deflower" every other sentence. Or maybe they don't love it. I always forget which it is.

Anyway, after seeing her looking so grown up and with a little punks arm around her and hand on her waste, I have decided that she will be locked up and the key will be thrown away for at least the next 20 years. We can re-evaluate after that.

Damn kids! Stickman out!

A Poem For National Poetry Day

In honor of National Poetry Day, I have composed the following poem:

Oh, National Poetry Day

You are such a good time

You are the best day of the year

To only speak in rhyme

Some may think that poems are gay

But others like them fine

Many are so elegantly written

None of those are mine

There are many rhymes I like to say

Like nana nana boo boo

Or liar liar pants on fire

Really any childish taunt will do

National Poetry Day rocks

Only one thing is not quite right

I find it to be a shame indeed

That you share the day with World Sight

Poetry is a delicious fruit

Like a round, juicy orange

So I celebrate you with great joy

And nothing rhymes with orange

Everyone have a great National Poetry Day! Is there a Hallmark card for that? Hmmmm.

Stickman out!